wanting to die

i hate reaching this point

it comes around when all i want is an escape from the demands of reality and this permanent loneliness.

the ONLY WAY to reach SOMEONE is THROUGH A COMPUTER

i hate it


i hate this whole life

i really want to go to another country where everyone is poor but no one is tormented by the horror of having to live alone

i can't stand it and theres nothing i can do about it



except cry and try to wait until something happy comes along


i can only live vicariously through bare on youtube so many times, this is a limited exercise



and when i hate myself which is always that underlines the justification for my reasoning, and the conclusion i reach of the ultimate escape.

living if only to keep on watching the scenes over and over addicted to wisps of a promise that i knew was dead as soon as it started

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
but there is a birthday

SO WHAT

curse and swear, thats all you have left, thats what they did in the play

and hate society for leaving you alone like this

i am peter

                                          peter...... forgave God