[Later]

Years and years have passed.


Soooo so, so many years, I haven't written a blog post in over two years probably!!! Or, I made that new wordpress- but mostly I haven't even skimmily thought of blogging even a little. I didn't even know I had this partial skimpy blog from college. But I'm glad I did, and I'm glad I could tell my later self what I was feeling. I knew I was miserable, but gosh, I was miserable. So many years have passed, and so many changes, and I'm a very different person from back then-- with new problems. Now having just been to the philippines I don't wish I was in a poor country anymore. But I do still feel some kind of loneliness, or a very faint emptiness, a black hole lack of passion that's been sucked up and it remains in a vaccuum. I have such pretty, gorgeous resources here that could make me exremely happy (a beautiful miking and a soft loving babellina) - and I'm not unhappy at all. I am just periodically bored, unmotivated, overwhelmed by trying to finish dental school and the ridiculous scheduling pressures I face, interfacing with patients and getting them to come in exactly when I need to accomplish all the crud I'm supposed to do, in a timely, safe, convenient manner that is comfortably away from the last allowable day in clinic. So that I do not have to pay a summer tuition or bear the embarassment of not finishing for graduation in time.

I am trying to find some kind of fixation point, something that gets me distracted from feeling totally miserable and crushed about the headache of dealing with patient scheduling and worrying about finishing in time.


I weigh 106 pounds right now, something that is already a big accomplishment from my college days of 125, and then dental school 112, but I am not where I want to be. I haven't been since freshman year of hs. I want to be thin, and stick-like, and I want to have a flatter chest. I want to be so comfortable and feel so beautiful, gorgeous, capable and attractive in anything that I can wear that looks good on skinny girls. I want to tone down my big but and thighs and have nicely shaped, pretty arms, and the nicest slimmest face that's possible with my genes. I want to weigh about ten pounds less. I want to be at 94 lbs.

I found this fantastic post!
http://www.livestrong.com/article/420511-how-to-stay-in-shape-for-short-women/
"Step 1 Determine what your goal weight should be. A woman’s ideal body weight is 100 pounds for the first 5 feet of her height,"

What about being technically 4'11???!!?  The doctor says 4'11!!

Here is a good tip.
Perform moderately-intense cardio or aerobic for at least 150 to 300 minutes per week; or when you increase your fitness level, up that to vigorously exercising for 75 to 150 minutes a week.
 Perform two or three strength-training sessions each week. Use dumbbells, barbells or your own body weight to perform exercises for each muscle group. Do exercises to target your arms, shoulders and chest on one day. Perform lower-body strength-building exercises like squats and lunges on the next day

Cardiovascular exercise is an absolute requirement. If you want to get skinny and toned, and avoid looking skinny fat, you have to exercise. Exercise will increase the calorie deficit you have created through diet to increase weight loss and also creates a better body. Dieting gets rid of fat, but it does not create a stunning body – exercise does.

I need to do all this!!