what now?

i am ready to get a gun and shoot myself. i just got my german test back... i got a B-. i probably got a B on the first test, and i remember i had a C on the last one. so what do i do now? my friend is going to be here tonight. i have hula practice from 8-11 that i can not miss. i was planning to start doing work for urop lab right now-3:30, until 7 tonight so that i may get at least a bare minimum done that my advisor asked. especially since i haven't had a chance to do much for her yet so far.

but i have another german test tomorrow. and this time, i haven't even started looking at the chapter yet. i usually put off most- like half- of the studying until right before the test, but this time i've done nothing.

this morning i went right into 7.02 just about ready to fail. the test wasn't too bad, but i didn't do super great on it. i only started studying around midnight.

i have a 7.02 lab results writeup due tomorrow.

i don't think i'll be looking at my testimony much today.


my friend from NJ is getting in around 8ish tonight, yes, when i have hula practice that i can't miss. i still have to clean my room.


what do i do? i could complete the bulk of whatever studying i'll attempt to do for german- at this moment, for the next many hours, until practice comes,
or i could stick with my original plan and start doing urop work.

if i don't go to lab, i'll have to come in this weekend, while my friend is here (she came to hang out with me). and that will take many, many hours- it could take an entire day. while the anime convention is going on.

if i don't study for german now, i probably won't... ever. and score a 30% with luck on the test.

i'm getting baptized sunday night, and easter service is going to be ~6am.

i wish i could go to sleep because i keep falling asleep in my classes.


i need to have lab work done by the time i leave, by the time sunday comes around, so i can print out all of the slide pictures to analyze while i'm at home.




except for when i go home, my cousin will be there 80% of the time, to hang out with me
and i have not yet caught up in any 7.05 material since the last test, for the past few weeks.
that is a few days' worth of reading and cheat sheet making.




what do i do...?

------------------------------------------------------------------------------
besides failing at my commitments to everyone, i've already done that, and i still am. so many missed hula practices, missed meetings, but i still have failed tests and assignments.

i can't even stay your friend because i fail to see you often at all.
like, i haven't been to church/bible study that much in the past months.

where is this life now....