curse real thursdays

.... agh... anguish.. pain.. flashback...... intense... no....
why does my brain do this to me?! what am i going through???? why is it that
i play a song from this movie...... any one.... all of them incite this powerful feeling in me. such a happy memory, of a summertime, being with someone i really love. somebody who makes me so happy, the one person......
didn't i get over this? :'(

so much that i don't like listening to any songs that remind me of him, i don't. but then what happens? i stumble across a random thing in my life, and WHAM-- i get hit with this big dose of happiness memory. i don't get reminded of happy times of school, or not really ever with friends. always this kid. never ex boyfriends-not really ever, (not good memories at least) but..

he gave me this movie for my birthday. i should have it here with me.....

why
why why why so powerful
why does it always come back?
.......
in the rain.

even if i got married, i

i couldn't break away from that intense emotional pain.. INTENSE..

.......
what do i do?


oh, i'm so sad
so sad......................
what if i wanted to cry over this


oh, dreadful question: what will happen?


i just tell God... ask him why does it always hurt so much...
why is there no one else like this person?


song =

memories::
SUMMER!
night time, air conditioning.
so cold, so warm!
i wish, i love
i stay awake
reach out, and
am eternally happy
for limited moments.



WHY???????




i can give you one word for all of these pungent artifacts i experience:
saturated.
need more?
ecstasy.

if you know what ecstasy is, you know you want it- like a drug. nothing but it, nothing but to savor, savor the MAXimum. nothing less.

i...
love..
my...............















memories.



how depressing!