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why am i continually so disappointed by everyone around me??? am i too picky? :'( do i expect too much out of someone if they say they care about me...? maybe it's just the people i try to be close to. it fails somehow, every time.
probably i have a very low tolerance for ignorance which puts most people out of range? since mit makes you selfish.

but...
people who i thought really matter to me....



if i'm that unlovable, please let me know! and why!
--i haven't sensed that yet, because... basically, i don't think anyone's really tried.


conclusions i've reached after the seventy-first time of awful contemplation on this subject(just this semester):
my expectations are too high.

but that's the way they are.

so... do i not belong here?

in fact, i've thought this out so many times i think it's made a hole in my brain by now. like.. water drops.
enough so that it's a fact of me, and that means i don't care if you know. because either it'll force me to get out of here anyway, or struggle through some alternative solution. and that's the way i've been forced to become, it won't change anytime soon.

............